I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
