WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
