Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
