All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
