when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
