My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Barsexuality is the new black.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
