wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i think i have two assholes
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
