Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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