You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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