Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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