found the other keg... it's in the tree
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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