yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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