im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
