i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
