Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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