First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Randomize
