The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
