Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
