To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
