You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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