she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
