When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Randomize
