just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
