i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
No more Irish car bombs ever.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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