he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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