It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I want her autograph on my taint
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
