if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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