Hey man sorry I got all grabby
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
