Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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