Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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