i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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