Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
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