I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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