My underwear smells like fireworks.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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