Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
