Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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