I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
