I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
