I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
