Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
