I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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