new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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