Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
