did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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