i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
