i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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