Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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