No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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