I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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