Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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