My room smells like vodka and shame
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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