I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
