I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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