Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
