Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
