My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
