I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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