a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just gargled with NyQuil
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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