Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
