$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
