He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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