just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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