Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
