your thong is hanging out like whoa
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
