Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
