went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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