I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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