So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
