and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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