Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
