Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
