I want to have your abortion
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
