dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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