I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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