I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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