Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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