Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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