I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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