Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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