just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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