I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
